2011 Wrap Up

I really wasn’t even sure if I would write this post.  This year, for the first time in my adult life, I found myself staring at a blog, my blog, without any inclination of what to say.  Or, if it would be worthwhile to say anything at all.  So, for the most part, I didn’t.

Honestly, that’s not like me to do that.  Generally, writing (and reading) have been cathartic elements in my life that have allowed me to process information and center myself in this often rough and tumble world that surrounds me.  I need to write.  But, lately, I haven’t been able to see my way clearly in regards to the blog.

It’s not that I haven’t tried.  At one point, I even investigated writing an e-book and self publishing it.  I even have a list of topics to work from.  I wrote 4 chapters of one and then my computer crashed and all was lost.  And, for some reason, it didn’t bother me.  It should have bothered me.

So, here I am, ending one year and looking toward the next.  Hoping for…something.  Something better.  It is in this vein that I offer you a recap of the highlights of my 2011.

January was fantastic as I was taking a wonderful blogging class with Lynsey Jones at PPD.  Went to Regional Rally for Premier Designs, too.  Good stuff.  Exciting stuff.

Late spring brought a surprising diagnosis (after a horrid ambulatory EEG experience) of Complex Partial Seizures for our, then 14 year old son, who is also our Aspie.  Surprising, because it was happening to us, but not totally unexpected as we had been told that kids with Aspergers/HFA often begin with seizures at the onset of adolescence.  But, there is something in a mother’s heart that hopes and prays that it can be avoided.  It couldn’t.

Then my father began having grand mal seizures one night.  One rolled into the next.  After a hospital stay, he was put on medication which he has responded very well to.  Unfortunately, he couldn’t drive for 6 months.  They were very long months for him.  They were far longer for those of us who chauffered him around.  He just wasn’t a happy passenger.

Summer brought grand mal seizures to our 14 year old son, as well.  We adjusted medications and waited.  He seized again and we continued the cycle.  He is currently having break through seizures (complex partial and not grand mal, thank God!).  We keep hoping that some combination of medication will work.  But, if the number of seizures increases, then we will have another ambulatory EEG to see if he has developed more oddities. 

Of course, it is hard to homeschool kids when one of them is unconscious for parts of the lessons.  That does seem to create holes in the information that is retained and retention is minimal some days.  It’s hard to get motivated to teach a child who is sullen and frustrated because he is forced to fight against his own, unique neuro/biology to just get through the day.  It wears on both of us.  A lot.

On a happy note, the boys have been active in Boy Scouting with hubby serving as Assistant Troop Leader and supporting them 110%!  They have gone white water rafting, rappelling, swimming, hiking, camping, learned hunter safety and so much more.  Fortunately, with hubby there, we can let both boys do as much as they possibly can and that is the primary goal for us.  We don’t want this medical complication (which we pray is temporary) to keep one or both of our boys from actually living.

I know that this post sounds like a downer, but I have lived a lot of this year waiting for the “other shoe to drop,” so to speak.  Honestly, I think that in some ways, this year has taken more of a toll on me than it has on anyone else in the family.  Sometimes, I have wondered why, but I do believe that as a mom, I want so desperately to fix these problems and take these struggles from my kids.  I know in my head that God gives us all struggles and that they are necessary for our growth, but my heart aches.

I am ready to embrace 2012 and try to focus less on limitations and more on opportunities.  I hope you will join me.